I had a striking and sudden realisation last year when I was in Australia talking to a good friend.The people who receive what they want in their lives don't have a secret hidden talent or good luck.They ask for what they want.How simple!Asking is not the only thing you have to do (you certainly have to be a giver first and a do-er and follow through-er) but asking can make ahugedifference in our lives.It became so clear to me as I replayed in my mind all the times that I had seen people voice what they want and then get itfrom romantic relationships to career opportunities to advice, even access to events or help from strangers.Asking makes us vulnerable, I understand. But if we don't ask, the answer is always no. People who get what they want are afraid to ask just like the rest of us, but the difference is, they ask anyway. And they contribute a lot, too. Such is the awesome law of reciprocity. So often we are happy to give but feel uncomfortable or guilty about getting.Reflecting on this, I created a list of 31 things that I have asked for with positive results by age 31:My now-husband to take my phone number during the concert we met at.Considerable salary increases when my work performance is strong. Looking for one yourself'Access my free video training here.A hug from Jake Gyllenhal in a downtown New York City restaurant.Discountsfrom bananas at a street vendor (when I am 50 cents short) to international flights to cable packages.A little kindness from a woman who I saw beingrude to a yoga studio assistant.Forgivenessmany times. This has been perhaps the most important request of my life.The table I wantin a restaurant.Everyone pays the same, so I like typically request awindow table or cozy corner spot.Publication of my work from some of the most prestigious online publishers.Patience from others when I am struggling with something.Coffee with someone I want to meet (taking initiative in new friendships is an important skill when you move around the world).More reliability from a guy I used to date (he never was and it was short-livedbetter to know sooner, darlings).Media interviews with Bethenny Frankel, Arianna Huffington, Kris Jenner, Kelly Osbourne, and Sara Blakely.To purchase something that is not for sale (a friend's jacket, a mirror in an outdoor market).A job in New York City with no network, no local experience, a pending work visa, and an incompletecollege degree (I received two awesome offers and accepted the highest paying).What I need from my husband on a regular basis (I love quality down-time together).A seat on the subway when someone is taking up unnecessary space.Positive feedback when I need it.Free samples from retail stores when I buy something.Referrals for the vision board events I lead.Favors from friends (from dog-sitting to their help in setting up a party to a ride to the airport).Clarity on expectations from managers(ambiguity in the workplace is rampant).Permissionto dig deeper on an emotional issue if I can sense a friend needs to talk about somethingAsking people to lighten up in a "crisis"such as an internet power-outage at the office.Where did the fun go'Free late checkouts at any hotel90% of the time this works.Honesty from others about my workeven when it hurts!Punctuality(since when is it OKto be so late)'If I may go first in a group presentation settingto get my nerves out of the way.Reduced prices in exchange for loyalty and/or sincere online reviews (dry cleaners, movers, spas).Askingmyself, "What thehellam I doing' Thisneedsto change!"This question has arisen when my life needs a course-correct. Wrong relationship, wrong job, too much partying. You have to get real with yourself every so often.Asking how I can helpfrom a friend going through a break-up to a mum with a stroller who can't fit into abathroom stall in Bloomingdales.A divorce from my first husband. But hey, that's another topic!It's important to note that as long as this list is, I could write an equally long list of rejections (longer, even). But that is the thing. Without asking for what you want you haveno list apart from a mental list of regrets. Pay attention to anyone you really admirethey will have had plenty of failures behind them.But they stilldidsomething. They took risks. They identified what they wanted and asked for it. No business success, no engagement story, no change in this world took place without someone asking for something first. And it all begins with you.So ask yourself,what do youreally, reallywant'Susie Moore is an author and life coach in New York who has been featured on The Today Show and Forbes. A former sales director for a Fortune 500 Company, she remains an adviser to high-growth startups in New York City and Silicon Valley. Sign up here for her FREE Side Hustle Workshop.SEE ALSO:7 clear signs you should be working for yourselfJoin the conversation about this storyNOW WATCH: These are the best and worst places to retire in the US
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