I listened to the account of Pastor Abraham Yakubu who is said to have gone to heaven and returned. It really doesn't matter if you believe it or not but one thing I got from everything he said was that unforgiveness would lead many people to hell.Even the Bible affirms that much. Remember the story of the unforgiving servant whose master wrote off his huge debt. This servant however refused to forgive another servant. The good book recounts that he was cast into 'outer darkness' ' my translation of hell.Forgiveness seems almost unnatural. Our sense of fairness tells us people should pay for their wrongs. After all, what you sow is what you should reap, abi' But we often forget that we fall too many times and need God's constant forgiveness. Every time you say the Lord's prayer, you indirectly curse yourself (if you love revenge). Yes! The message is simple. ''And forgive us our sins AS we forgive those who sin against us'' Meaning: 'God, if I don't forgiuve others, please don't forgive me'. Is this not scary enough'We need to be at peace with everyone as much as it lies within our power. I know; it is not easy at all. Some people can be so annoying to have around. You just wish they would take a hike but remember that you also might be very very annoying to lots of people ' you would be amazed.The stronger person always initiates the peace.So, how do we go about that' How do you give up resentment or stop being angry with someone. How do you soften your mind towards your family member who decided not to show up on your wedding day' Or the aunty / uncle that maltreated you like a slave when you lived with them as a child' Or your best friend who literally stole your intended spouse' Or the co-worker who lied against you and made you lose your job' Or'.The surprise is, once you have forgiven, you discover that the real prisoner who has been freed is yourself, not the person who has hurt you. You become free of bitterness, and free to enjoy your present and your future. I tried it recently and felt a 200 kg weight fall of my back. It was so refreshing.Yes, the person who wronged us should pay for the wrong they have committed. They OWE us something. The problem is, there is no price high enough that would pay for this injustice. So we make a decision to cancel their debt anyway. Giving people a second chance is much better than forcing them to live in prison for the rest of their lives, and most people go on to live productive lives after bankruptcy. So forgiveness is canceling a debt, like when your bank calls you and says, 'We see you'll never be able to pay back the N1m you've racked up. We're canceling it, and letting you start over. Just make sure it never happens again.' (We all wish that might happen in real life.) But that's what forgiveness is. You don't deserve it, but the person decides to give you a second chance, to believe in you and give you a fresh start.To truly forgive, we must be aware of an important distinction: Forgiveness is not reconciliation with the person. Reconciliation is different. Forgiveness is one person's moral response to another person's injustice.The people who are hardest to forgive are our partners, ourselves, church people and God. Perhaps because we expect more from these individuals ' and rightly so.Try these steps according to Beyond affairs.1. Write down the name of the person you need to forgive. 2. Acknowledge how hurt you are, and even the hatred you may feel towards this person for what they have done. 3. Think of times in your own life when your wrong actions have hurt or disappointed others. It is much easier to forgive others, when we bear in mind our own weaknesses and failings. We are all in need of forgiveness from time to time. 4. Decide you will bear the burden of the person's wrongdoing. In other words your spouse's affair is causing you tremendous pain, that's the burden. Decide to be bigger and better than the situation at hand. Remember that doing good sometimes includes confrontation. Doing good is not tolerating injustice.5. Make a decision to forgive. Say it out loud, 'I make a decision right now to forgive _____________ (verbalize the situation).' Take as long as you need to, and be real. Ask for divine help if you need to.6. Destroy the list: Rip or better yet, burn. 7. Do not expect that your decision to forgive will result in major changes in the other person. But it will free you. 8. Try to understand the person you have forgiven. What is their point of view' How do they feel' Why did they do what they did' What have their life experiences been that have made them vulnerable to such temptation and wrongdoing' 9. Expect positive results of forgiveness in you. That is you are set free from the past. Also, your vulnerability to physical sickness is reduce. It generally makes you healthier. 10. Think of what you've learned through this experience. What could you do better in the future' How can you help others going through the same or similar pain' It helps when you can redeem some meaning and purpose out of all the pain and mess. It feels much better, when we can think it was not for nothing, that it wasn't meaningless. 11. Be sure to accept your part of the blame for the offenses you suffered, where applicable. A famous poet said: 'Revenge is the sweetest morsel ever cooked in hell'.
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