United States Republican presidential hopeful, Herman Cain, claimed God told him to run for president. He said, Im a man of faith. I had to do a lot of praying for this one, more praying than Ive ever done before in my life. And when I finally realised that it was God saying that this is what I needed to do, I was like Moses. Youve got the wrong man, Lord. Are you sure'Using the God told me line is not really new. Everybody who believes in God may have at one time or another got his desires coincide with Gods. Ex-president George Walker Bush was quoted to have said in a private meeting that God told him to invade Iraq. Adolf Hitler wrote that his actions were in accordance with Gods will. Apart from Cain, another republican hopeful, Michele Bachmann, is also saying God told me to run. If, in the same race, God is telling multiple people to run, maybe they all should pause and ask God to clarify himself so as to save everybody from running in directions towards the same goal. This God who pushes us towards our innate desires, forms our thoughts, directs us and even acts as an intuition cannot really be delineated from the man himself.In Nigeria, we have seen this God thing happen too frequently that some presume it to be the basis of governance. Gen. Sani Abacha waited on God to speak to him about his civilian presidential ambition while his preemptive blitzkrieg machinery was bulldozing anybody who stood in the way of the Gods voice. Chief Olusegun Obasanjo used the same lines when he was going to contest second term in office. When the third term failed, he put his gear in reverse and said if he wanted it, God would have given him. One of these days, God (the one that is not responsible for these delusions anyway) should issue a statement to dissociate himself from identity stealers.And then, earlier this year, several two for ten kobo men of God endorsed a presidential candidate as cheaply as cassava bread saying they heard the voice of God concerning him. And now, in the midst of all the brouhaha about fuel subsidy removal, Boko Haram, insecurity, ASUU strike and the promises of more strikes and all the social upheavals, the voice of God merchants are quieter than ice water. Suddenly, God is no longer speaking at the top of his voice through them, hawking a candidate or in these dire times, a divine solution for all our problems. This made me wonder what/who is God and where does he really come in mans desires' but since this is no theology lesson, I will characterise this being who gets enmeshed in our desires differently. For the purpose of this piece, Ill choose to spell him as gOD, not God; because this character in question cannot, or should not, really be described as God, the Deity who sits in Heaven and decrees harmattan to wrap Nigeria in December.Cain, a black man, in his own addled confession, never considered the presidency prior to Barack Obamas becoming president. While he attributes his reason to gOD, I think it was after Obama became president that it really occurred to Cain that a black man can become president in the US. Never mind that Obamas blackness has been called into question by black Americans who say those of them whose fathers arrived in the US on the slave ship are more authentically black than migrants who arrived on slave airplanes or those who are a result of miscegenation. So, Cains gOD suddenly saw that it was possible and he worked to the answer by calling this devotee who also thought that yes, I can, too. He saw himself as another Mosesa metaphor evocative of self-effacing reluctance, abracadabra of rods turning to snakes and yes, parting the Red Sea (and Americans are really facing an economic Red Sea now) while everything magically works out simply by merely lifting a rod.The trouble with Cains Moses-metaphor is that his gODly rod had parted the wrong seas at a point in time. His prodigal past came calling through five women with different stories of sexual harassment and infidelity. The last one that broke his back was Ginger White who stated that she had an affair with him for 13 years. Ms. White said she had to tell the story before she was asked because of Cains arrogance in dealing with his first four accusers. And this is the point that baffled me: If a man and a woman have more than a decade long affair and the woman can still deal a blow to his ambitions, then one does not need to search the meaning of sleeping with the enemy.Somebody asked me what would have happened to these women if they were Nigerians. I think no Nigerian woman will even come out to tell us how she had an affair with a presidential candidate and that once, during sex with him, she was thinking of shopping for groceries. Nobody in Nigeria that I know is likely to be impressed. In fact, if we ever try to hold our leaders by that kind of standards, it is likely Aso Rock will be vacant for a long time. The paradox of the American system is that the country earns an estimated $60bn a year from the sex industry, has a liberal attitude to sex but totally unforgiving about extramarital affairs yet takes a capitalistic interest in these sex stories to the extent of paying for these distraught and harassed women to tell their stories. Ms. White now whines that Cain no longer sends her money like he used to, she is broke and nobody has paid her for her stories. The entire cycle should be comical to those who laugh to keep from crying. This is another Garden of Eden story: a man falling from grace because of a woman. Those who wrote that part of the Bible were prescient, in an ironical sort of way.This week, when Cain announced he is suspending his campaign and, you guess right, good old gOD was still right in the middle of his decision to revert to a safe perch. Maybe there was even a point to his self-deprecation when he told gOD he was the wrong man, who knows' Beyond his sex scandals, the man didnt altogether appear like someone who was running for president anyway. He put up this funny advert in which his campaign manager throws a baleful of cigarette smoke in the viewers eyes. And when he was questioned on Obamas decision on Libya, it turned out he knew nothing about the Libyan affair that was estimated to have cost his country a billion dollars! On the economy, he was blank as a sheet of paper.And as Cain bites the dust, I feel bad because at a point, I thought it would be interesting to see two black men slug it out especially since he managed to garner some support up to a point. Alas, it wont be so, thanks to the time (dis)honoured forbidden fruit. Of course, he denies the accusation but in such accusations, you are guilty until you can prove your innocence. And it is rare for anyone to emerge squeaky clean especially if the accusation comes from a woman. One lesson Ill take away from this is: Be wary of the candidate who comes in the name of gOD. They begin with a lie and they tell a lot of it. If a man cannot tell the simplest truth of why he is contesting an election and has to hide under gOD, why would his subsequent actions not be wrapped in more and more petty lies
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