There they go again, making mockery of serious national issues. Why on earth would they sweep the file on Boko Haram and other maladies plaguing the country and begin to discuss ' shior (yes, I just hissed. Yeye dey smell) ' same sex marriage'Believe me, this means that there is somebody in that Senate who is one of those gays, often described as 'a gay still in the closet.' Yeah, still in the closet; still hiding, still too cowardly to tell people he is gay. He is not in denial, but apparently not brave enough to say, 'hey pals, I do it with men too! So what's the big deal''So what, if Barrack Obama wants his name to be enshrined in our constitution' Must we discuss it' Obama na our grand papa' If he likes it with men, why should we trouble him' This Obama dey fall my hand every day! To think I danced makosa until my legs started aching when he won the American presidential election!Please just try to humour me, okay' Imagine the shock and pain that will fly across your face if somebody, say a Mike Tyson, were to give you an upper cut'yeah....uhum'.that expression was clearly mirrored on my face when I heard that our Senators in the hallowed chamber were discussing'Gawd! I can't even complete my thought. It's so nauseating!Our lawmakers are supposed to make laws that will make our lives bearable. But what are they doing today' Discussing anti-gay marriage bill of all things!What hurts the most is knowing that they'll collect sitting, tea and other sundry allowances for discussing this nonsense!Yeah, I heard you my brother'.you think it's a good idea to discuss such issues. Just because Oyinbo people are making noise about it' Booh! You're entitled to your opinion. What I'm saying is that why bother with the loathsome discussion, when there are bigger problems confronting us' It is either members of the Senate are marrying underage girls, throwing chairs, quarrelling over loans, allowances, cars or fighting and tearing their clothes to pieces.Please tell me, when the hell do they have time to discuss matters that affect our lives'If Mr. A is comfortable banging Mr. B through wherever, that is their funeral, not ours! If Janet, a female, fancies herself in love with Monica, another female and wants to marry her'no be their wahala be that' Why should it even come into discussion, let alone to find a way into our law books' I know it will never happen! No be Naija we dey'Oh come on, you have to understand the Nigerian society, to know and realise that gay marriages will not easily be accepted. At least not in this life time. Ha! We still have a long way, rivers, and bridges to cross.We are too religious, too traditional, too set in our African ways. It is either a guy bangs a woman or nothing'Why, some Nigerian men even shudder at the thought of going down on their women and giving their honey pots a good sucking and lapping of the tongue! And I tell such men they don't know what they are missing. I have met a guy who told me that he wouldn't mind being given a blowjob, but he would never marry such a lady' Why' I asked.And the moron insisted that the babe who gives him a blowjob is loose. How narrow-minded can some men get'What the heck is the essence of engaging in love-making, if you can't have fun' I know and you know that we have lesbians and homosexuals in our midst. But many of them are still in the closet. There are however some bold ones.There was a time I was dating this cool looking guy'he was a handsome dude, with his biceps, sinews in their right places. He was 6ft plus on bare feet. His hobby was boxing. Gather the picture in your mind's eyes and you would have what we call a sex hunk!He was strolling along the street one day when a dizzy looking guy approached him. The guy was a gay and wanted my man to become his lover! I later heard that my man almost fried him alive! I bet the gay guy imagined my guy wringing his neck with his muscled hands and bolted.I had been seeing this guy, but it never registered in my mind that he was a guy who bangs guys. Somehow, I knew he was not like other guys. I knew something was amiss. He used to jerry-curl his hair, paint his eyes and flutter his eyelashes. And he had an effeminate way of walking and talking. Yeah, sure, I know there are gays in Nigeria. I also saw such people in Jigawa State where I did my NYSC.There was a particular couple; they were not ashamed. They would hold their hands, strolling round the villages. Everyone and everybody knew they were gay. I was mildly shocked back then that they were flaunting their affair without fear, because those were the heydays of Sharia rule. It was the period that Zenab was almost killed because she had a child out of wedlock.I have nothing against people who are gay. I was reading a book once on gay folks, and the argument was that many of them couldn't and can't help the way they felt and feel.I also heard that scientists are working round the clock to know if there is a gene responsible for people being gay.My point is this: There are a myriad of problems troubling the nation, why should our Senators leave such challenges and be discussing an anti-gay legislation'We are yet to get to the root of Boko Haram'too many innocent people, Youths Corps members have died because of Boko Haram. The poverty level today is strangulating. We can't even afford kerosene anymore. Even at the black market, where a bottle of kerosene (star bottle) is sold for N200, you still see people fighting and tearing at one another just to be able to get served first.Yeah, Kerosene is a crucial issue. It affects the lives of thousands of Nigerians, if not millions. Why can't the Senators discuss the way forward' We have to cook our food before eating it, abi' Or are we supposed to become carnivores'N200 per bottle for kerosene may seem a chicken feed to some people, especially for people who collect allowances for coughing, laughing and sniffing, but it's a mighty sum for the poor. The worst aspect of the whole mess is that you can't even find kerosene.What about our educational sector' Security in the nation is zero, yet people are talking about a group of people who enjoy banging through queer means. Please forgive me if I say, to hell with such discussions!Since the fuel subsidy discussion made it through the media, people have started hoarding Kerosine and even fuel. Life is getting tougher, especially when you have the change at hand, but can't even find kerosine.You over there'yes you'you're a mad man! You were whispering but I heard you loud and clear. You're a coward! Why don't you say it to my face, rather than whisper'He said people who can't afford to buy kerosine or can't get it, should resort to using charcoal. Please my good folks tell me, do we use water to light charcoal' With all due respect, sir'you're an idiot! I didn't need to see one of your Hummer jeeps, buildings and pay packet to know that you're a bloody monkey!What this law will achieve is to make gays continue to remain in the closet. Senators can argue and ban whatever till thy kingdom come and it won't make any difference to the gays. Why' I heard that once somebody has indulged in the practice, it's very difficult to stop.It's like the forbidden fruit'tasting sweeter than anything'tasting sweeter than anything. Sweeter or sweetest.I still prefer a rod, as hard as Olumo rock between my thighs!
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