Dear readers,The love of a mother cannot be quantified; that is if she is a mother one can be proud of. Todays writer cant say that much of her own mother. She needs your advice.Monica Taiwo(Continued from last week)Dear Taiwo,My major problem, however, started in the latter part of 2009, precisely November when Hakeem stopped speaking with me on phone.I have never seen him before, and the funniest thing was that I was unable to get a visa to Canada to meet my betrothed husband, while his mother and two other siblings visited him and came home with news and gifts for me. There and then, Hakeem stopped calling me and if I called him, he wouldnt reply or call back. I sent him several text messages, e-mails and even messages on the facebook without any reply. I noticed that for a long time he was not available on-line for chat on the facebook. Whenever I asked his mother what was happening, she would tell me that all was well. One of his siblings, however, told me that he had some problems with immigration. I raised this with my mother, she told me the problem he had was not something that could not be sorted out, and in fact she told me that she had spoken with Hakeem several ocassions.I wondered why Hakeem would speak with my mother and his own people and he would not speak with me. I made sure I told my mother all these and whenever I did, she would ask me to be patient.I also learnt that his mother travelled back to Canada to stay with him for over six months. I kept wondering why my visa application was not granted and they all were able to travel to Canada to see Hakeem.When I called my mothers attention to all the information I got concerning Hakeem and his people, she told me to be patient and face my business; she said she wasnt ready to lose all she had spent trying to get me a visa and other travelling documents if I refused to marry Hakeem. The day she told me this, I was shocked. Because I thought my happiness should matter to her other than the money she had spent, because this wasnt my making. She disrupted my life by pulling me out of school and rendering me useless.I discussed this issue with my elder sister, the one I am very close to. She told me to do whatever I know can make me happy, she made me realise that she wasnt in support of my mother from the outset and that was why she did not iintervene all along.She also told me that my mother and Hakeems went into this partnership because my mother owed Hakeems mother some money and the arrangee marriage was a way of pleasing her. When I heard this I became unhappy. I did not want to confront my mother because of where I got the information from because my sister and mother are not so close.Consequently, I made up my mind on what to do, I wanted a way out, but I did not know what to do or how to go about it because I had lost all my contacts and friends. Another problem I had to contend with was that of funds. Despite the fact that my mother gave me one of her outlets, I never had a free hand. I had to report every transaction to her and all she does was pay my salary at the end of the month. Although that was not our initial agreement, but as time went on this began to happen.It was also about this time that my mates came back from the service year. Learning about this compounded my problems.Way back in school, I was dating a guy who worked in one of the new generation banks in town then. We had a good relationship, I was not given enough time to explain the situation of things to him when I left school abruptly. All the while that he called Itold him a lot of lies to cover up for what happened to me. In fact, at a time I lied to him that I had travelled out of the country.When I was going through all these, a friend of mine who was my course mate stood with me and tried to help me several times by taking me to see her pastor. She remained the source where I get all information about our other friends.About three months after her service, she called to inform me that she would be coming on a visit with a guest. She did not tell me who the guest was and I didnt ask her because the last person I was expecting to see with her was Kola, the guy I dated in school.Apparently, Kola travelled to the US not long after I stopped seeing him. They met few days after he came into the country. Naturally, they spoke about me and I guess she told him all I was going through.He did not hesitate to ask her to bring him to me. When I saw him, I felt bad, but he told me not to worry. Kola said my friend told him all that happened to me and he said he was willing to have me back if I would not mind, and that if it would be possible for us to get married before he leaves the country. Because this would easily facilitate my travelling documents .My mother, however, would not hear of this. She opposed every step I made and threatened to disown me if I disobeyed her. We were on this, when I learnt that Hakeems mother had returned from another trip to Canada, where she went to take care of her grandchild. I wouldnt have been too enraged if the baby were a half-caste, but I informed that a Yoruba lady was the babys mother.This time, I did not inform my mother before going to see Hakeems mother. I gave her a piece of my mind. Could you believe that Hakeem called me that day He pleaded with me to give him some time to explain and make it up with me. I played along, but I knew that it was over between us.My problem, however, is my mother; I dont know why she is insisting that my life be destroyed.She has vowed to make me miserable, and her hostility towards Kola is frightening.Please, what can I do Help me.Itunu, Ibadan.
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