Dear readers,Parents, must be close to their children, not only that, they should befriend them so that they confide can in them.Today's writer had all as a growing child but lacked her mother's listening ears. The consequences were unpalatable.She needs your help. Thanks,Monica Taiwo.Dear Taiwo,I desperately need your advice and those of your readers' before my conscience drives me into committing suicide. I feel when parents read this, they would see the need to educate their children about sex and sexual abuse early in life. They also would know that it is not enough to give birth to children and provide for their needs, but there should be more to a child's upbringing.I am one of those children who experienced a terrible childhood. I am a love child, from a very humble background; according to my mother she was a petty trader, while my father was a mechanic, though I didn't grow up to know him.My father disappeared after my birth and has never returned since then. The circumstances surrounding my birth were ridiculous.I wouldn't mind sharing them with you.My mother was a petty trader who hawked most of her goods in order to make ends meet. My father was one of her customers. She met my father at one of the usual places when she was trading. One thing led to the other; they started a casual affair which later metamorphosed into a relationship.My mother was very conscious of her lowly status that she was not ready for any kind of commitment to my father; after all, my father was a mechanic who could not raise her status. But as things would turn out, she became pregnant and decided not to tell my father; but he knew and absconded, leaving my mother alone to take care of me.When I was born, things were so tough, as I was made to know, for my mother that she could hardly feed us both, but with the help of her family, she picked up gradually until my stepfather came on board. Before then, she would leave me with her aged mother while she would go hawking. There was little time for her to sit me down and educate me about sex and related issues.My stepfather was a widower left with no child from his former wife. He was a big time farmer, who worked his way through to success and had acquired material things to some extent.Whatever his status, he was a very pleasant man who accepted my mother and I without grudges. My mother took care of my responsibilities and even when she re-married, she didn't leave a stone unturned; she cared for me. My mother had four other children from her second marriage and as I said earlier, my stepfather was quite understanding. In fact, he absorbed me into the family like his own children, but as for me, luck did not smile on me; I was so unlucky that I prayed that my younger ones would not experience my ordeal.My mother, is a very hospitable woman. In our cosy apartment, she accommodated her family members. I won't blame her for this, because they really stood by her when she needed them.Our cousins and in-laws were always coming around. Since my stepfather had no objection to this, there was no problem; we his children had nothing to complain about either.My mother's family members were very friendly and they visited often, so also my father's relatives. We always had visitors in our house at all times.When I was 13 years old, I was molested by one of my uncles who usually came around. He was very close to the family and my mother liked him and even used him as an example to the children but the reverse was the case with me. Whenever he came around, he would have sexual intercourse with me.At first, when he made advances, I objected and threatened to report him to my mother who was oblivious of this, but somehow, he knew how vulnerable I was and how I lacked the guts to report him to my parents so, he took this advantage.I had no choice but to succumb to his advances. At a point, he stopped coming to our house and what a perfect coincidence, because at that time I discovered I was pregnant!At that tender age, I realised I was going to lose my precious teenage years and even ruin my education if I kept the pregnancy.Would I live in my mother's world again' Would I bear another fatherless child like my mother as a result of incest'I decided not to harbour any vagabond that would bring disunity among us; and to think of bringing a bastard into the house of a man who accepted me without complaints was unimaginable; so, I took a drastic step.I told one of my friends in school and she, in turn, took me to one of her sisters who introduced me to a doctor. On the long run, I had an abortion which almost took my life, but thank God, I survived.This incident almost ruined my education, but one fact remained, I never told anyone, not even my mother, because I knew it would hurt her pride.Taiwo, I grew up with this horrible secret. It is hurting me; I feel like letting it out especially now that I have found my love and he has proposed to me.I am due to marry very soon and I am feeling the guilt. Although he is a loving man and easy to talk to, but Iam afraid I might lose him if I tell him about my past. When I met him, I wanted to open up, but I felt the guilt. At a time he asked me to tell him about myself; I couldn't even mention this to him. Our relationship is so eventful that I cannot afford to let him go. Don't blame me for this; I am human and this is my first encounter with true love.My worry now is that last week, I went to the hospital and the doctor made some complaints about my womb. He said it would be difficult for me to become pregnant since my womb had been damaged. Although there are chances that I could get pregnant, but the chances are so slim.Anyway, my uncle still came around and now I dread him so much that I feel like strangulating him and, sometimes too, I feel like subjecting myself to a voice that says I should commit suicide.Taiwo, how would I tell my man' Would he believe me' We would be getting married next month, I am so confused and I am on the verge of losing my senses. Please, advise me. Blessing, Ibadan.
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