Jagba-jagba rederede rudurudu palapala jagajaga jegejeke wekeweke wakawaka radarada jegbejegbe' The ranting continued. No comma, no full stop. And he was talking to no one in particular as he threw up his arms in different directions. You thought he would pause to recharge his lungs or take a breath or drink water. No. He continued raving and cursing while his eyes rolled as if they were going to fall out of their sockets.'I did not beg to be their Prime Minister. I never begged for any office. It is not in my character to beg for anything in my life.I had always been content with my lowly status in life. I believe in 'akunleyan' and so I never queried my state in life. That was what I chose for myself on my bended knees as I was preparing to come to planet earth. As soon as the Supreme Intelligence moulded my body garment and breathed into it, thereby giving me the Soul Fire, I was asked to voicemy life wish.' I asked for an adolescent life without shoes. I asked also that I should be born by a woman. My wishes included having things my way and to possess a magic wand. What I wished for should happen without my lifting a finger.'God asked me if I needed brain in my skull and I told Him He should do as He wished. After all what would I need brain for if whatever I wished would automatically translate into reality.'I asked also that I should always reap where I did not sow. And in any case why should I sow if others could sow for me and even reap for me and bring the harvest to my door'The ranting continued unabated.Imagine someone talking to himself in a large sitting room and throwing his arms in the air. Without an audience. Without an object in view. 'Nobody should blame me for anything. I have a wife. I have children. Nobody should talk about my family. I will shoot anyone who talks ill of my family. Nobody should insult me. My position has placed me above any other person in the land. There is this stupid Chinese proverb which says 'To assess the quality of a man's heart: take a look at his wife' Funny proverb. That is why the Chinese are tiny people. The quality of their heart is the diminutive personality God gave all of them. And they speak with the sound of scattered pans. 'I am worried that since I became Prime Minister, the land had not known peace. Killings, abductions, kidnappings, armed robberies, pen robberies, highjacking, and litany of horrendous crimes. But the stupid people are blaming me. They know who to blame but they would rather blame me for crimes I did not create, or commit.'Stealing had been prevalent in the land before my mother was born. Corruption is food. The nation has always fed on it. It is the country's staple food. And why should anybody blame me for corruption in the land' Why did they not blame their father' Yes. Their father. That man. Very clever. Very smart. Very, very smart. You can never trace anything to him. He knows how to cover his tracks. His big belly can swallow a drum. He has ample body to hide anything in. Trust him. They should blame him for all the woes in the land. 'He wanted to use my head to break the coconut. That was why he schemed me in and forced the world to crown me. He designed a crown of thorns for me. But God catch am!'I am thirsty. I want to drink. Where is my tombo' Where is my ogogoro' Where is my gin' Where is my brandy' Where is my whisky' Where is my burukutu' Where is my palm-wine' No. I want Campari. I want Egovine. I want, want, want, want, and want.'I am tired. I want to throw away this crown. It is too heavy for my head. It is a burden. I want to return to the village. I am a village boy. My Godfather is also a village boy. He is crude and uncultured. But I cannot say it in public. He is greedy. But I cannot say it in public. I must cover him up. I mean cover-up. That is my main assignment in this job.'You are all fools. I mean all of you. You just talk talk talk while we empty the treasury. What else can a timid people do other than talk' Talk talk talk! Talkative. They talk on radio, on television and write rubbish in newspapers. Keep talking and writing while we take your money to the banks.'They say I am slow. Am I a snail' Am I a tortoise' It is their father-mother that are slow. I am not slow. Where I come from we take our time. We like easy life. We are refined people. No gra-gra!'They want to talk. Let them talk. Where has their talking over the years led them' They want to talk. They can talk from now till eternity. It will not change anything. Foolish people.'But there is a serious matter on ground. That is sharing the cake. Whose cake' Is it their father's cake' Foolish people. They want to be like me: Reap where they have not sown. Did they take the same destiny like I took before coming to this world' We shall not allow them to partake any more share of the cake. The cake is my father's father's father's inheritance.' Did we ever ask to share the sand''Nobody is listening to me. Nobody should listen. I talk only to the intelligent people. I talk to people who have brains so that I can use their brains. I use their brains, they usurp my powers. But I will deal with them.'Nobody has accused me of sleeping withtheir wives. I have been told that it is one of the delicious perquisites of office. That is measuring the bra size of ministers. But count me out. Those who need breasts should go to those actresses. You don't need to look too far. They put the breasts right into your face. It is part of acting.'Tomorrow, God willing, I will talk more. I am going to put those clamouring for talks to shame. I will out talk them. And I will ask my legislooters to out talk them.'Meet me next week on this channel. God bless you. I mean you. Mr. Nobody.It has been difficult for me to make sense of the Prime Minister's ruminations. Did you
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