I STILL remember the day I met Tim (not his real name). I was with colleagues and we were arguing and made a lot of noise about the government of the day. He had joined us and made his contributions as a lawyer. Then he talked to me, the only female in the group. I have forgotten what he said, but I remember that I was not impressed with him. In that short time, I understood that he boasted too much. He was daper, too daper. He was one who was too concerned about himself only. I had thought. At almost 40, he was still a bachelor. It was his unmarried state that he used to entice women who barely went past the first stage of a relationship.I was not desperate to marry. I was only 22 so I went out with him to everybodys surprise.One dinner after another, I did not feel anything special or see any reason why I should continue to go out with him. Every moment spent in his company revealed one who scorned women. The only real feeling which came from deep within me was to stop seeing him entirely. It was a hunch that never went away and I confided this to my best friend several times.It was a relationship that lasted for years and which I say have formed my life today, it was my first serious relationship with a man and I still feel the pain of abandonment. He was the type who left when there were crises and resurfaced when you have survived. I look back and I see that there was no love there. The good time was there, but any feeling was what I allowed myself to believe, confesses Bibianna who says the experience made her distrustful and reluctant to go out with other men for a long time. I should have listened to my common sense that very first day and never got together with that man.Common sense In a relationship Yes some people say that sense is not common at all. And they may be right because if all is considered, if we use it or allow it to guide us, a lot of mistakes would be avoided.But it is called common sense because, you do not have to go to school to acquire it. It is an inborn defence mechanism that warns you that danger is ahead if you follow a dangerous path, even if you are not aware of a particular incident. It is what is called intuition or gut feeling. This is what forms a first impression whether in romance or other friendships. Basically, it forms the initial attraction. Even when your head is not spinning at the first sight of your intended, there is that feeling that a good thing is there to be explored. It is also what encourages you to work on the flaws you see along the way because you know that together, you can put things the way you desire them. When you go against your better judgment or common sense, the result is an unbalanced union. You may be following your heart only to a love is blind situation where you romp today and fight tomorrow.Use your head only in love and you may be heading to a big heart-break. For example, you meet the one who has status and money, but the attraction is lacking. So you convince yourself that the money and the security it provides will lead to love and passion later.It does not, Bibianna stresses. Tim had a thing about younger women and I saw that was the only attraction he had about me. The ability to take girls wherever he went boosted his ego among his friends.A union where common sense is employed is a happy one because you can look at your loved one and know that something has changed whether for good or bad. Common sense is not common. But that is because our training and experiences have made us unable to tell our true feelings from imagination. In any situation, there is no better person to advise you than yourself. And whatever decision you take comes from deep within you.*Get to your inner self by thinking things throughHave a quiet time all by yourself daily. The real you cannot function in the din and cacophony created by your friends. Sit still and really listen to what your mind says.*Develop your person by knowing those things that make you happy or unhappy. Build on your passion. If you know who you are and what forms the inner you, you will understand the people who come your way easily.*Learn to differentiate bias from what your mind tells you. If you have set out believing that a relationship was doomed because people told you that it had no future, you would not have the energy to work on it. You would also not see the need to invest time in it. What your mind tells you however is what you should examine seriously.*Fear masks your gut feeling or it can take it over completely. So know what you are afraid of. Know how to separate it from actuality. If you fear that your loved one will leave you, you may imagine that he would do so.*Your heartfelt desire can deceive you and make you believe that your love comes from deep within your gut. In your quiet moment, you should be able to know whether or not his love is genuine.Just as you know that your parents and experts can be trusted, you should put such belief in yourself. If you can assess a situation and understand it, you know what is best for you and can act rightfully based on common sense.Welcome the result no matter how bad. There are also the good parts of it. Learn from these. Opening yourself to all the possibilities gives the opportunity to understand the signs and dues instead of being hit by them.
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