Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Parenthood is waking up at 5 am to the sound of your kid practicing his "best howl." Jen Simon (@NoSleepInBklyn) April 11, 2016 Nothing gets the blood pumping first thing in the morning like having to chase down your 5yo when he sprints away from the school bus. Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) April 14, 2016 Times of the day my kids are the most hungry:3. Morning.2. Lunch.1. 10 seconds after they've said "I'm full," and we've cleared plates. Mike Reynolds (@PuzzlingPostDad) April 11, 2016 Favorite lie told by my kids:I cleaned my room but don't go in there yet. Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) April 13, 2016 *Doesn't camp out before the elementary school music concert**Parks 300 miles away and hikes to the school* Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) April 13, 2016 There is only one rule to successful parenting: Never. Run. Out. Of. Batteries. Will (@willgoldstein) April 14, 2016 Doing United States puzzle with 7 when he tells me that "Alabama should be called Mr. Sippi since it's next to Mrs. Sippi." Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) April 11, 2016 My 6yos forget their school backpacks every single day. You have to admire that level of consistency. Father With Twins (@FatherWithTwins) April 14, 2016 After years of marriage & kids I have no idea how I'd handle a 1st date. Just give him a juice box, crackers & an iPad' Do I bring coupons' Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) April 11, 2016 It's weird how we tell kids not to lie then tell them how good the picture they drew is. Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 15, 2016 Parenting is fun if you're into things like cooking for people who aren't hungry. Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) April 9, 2016 Me: You forgot to brush your teeth. They're going to fall out.5-year-old: That's the point.That tooth fairy story backfired. Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 14, 2016 Potty training my kid, and I just made up a cheer with the word POOP in it. Burning my college degree later today. Carrie On, Y'all (@CarrieOnYall) April 12, 2016 If you are considering procreating, come to my house before school in the a.m. to see what this joy of parenting shit is truly all about. Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) April 14, 2016 I just tried to wear funky athletic leggings only to have my 7 yr old daughter look at me sternly & say, "That's kind of like lying, Mommy" Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) April 13, 2016 Me: [walking up slide] Have you seen my briefcase' I'm late for an important meeting.[slides down, checks toybox]Where is it'- Parenting The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) April 14, 2016 8: Can I poop on you'Me: No, thank you.11: Does Batman go to the bathroom standing up or sitting'Me: Both, I hope.- Why I hide from kids Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) April 13, 2016 Number of ponytail holders I've purchased for my daughter: 4 billionNumber of ponytail holders she can locate: 0 Sara (@smilely_gal) April 11, 2016 Do you ever close your kids car door and then pause to take a huge deep breath before entering the car yourself' Yeah, that. Chris Read (@CanadianDadBlog) April 13, 2016 -- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
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