Language on paradeTHERE are courts, and there are courts! Perhaps the court that most people know about in any society is the Court of Law. But there is no doubt that the most pervasive court in every society, especially, a democratic society, is the Court of Public Opinion. Whereas, lawyers could tell you that you have no locus standi to drag the originator of the Transformation Agenda to any Court of Law in Nigeria, nobody can tell you that you do not have the locus standi to drag him to the Court of Public Opinion, for you'd be exercising your right to freedom of speech, if you do so. Indeed, everyday, some Nigerians drag him there. But does he give a damn whether or not people drag him to the Court of Public Opinion'Yet there is a third kind of court, which you might not know about: the Court of Words. No human being can be dragged to this court, only the words that they use for one reason or the other can be dragged to the Court of Words. And that is where the word, Transformation, has been dragged to.The virtual town of Lexisville, where the Court of Words seats, has never had it so good. The news about the hearing of the case concerning Transformation had featured prominently on last night's Eyewitness News on Channel 24, resulting in a horde of reporters and aficionados of language, most of whom could not find a room at the few hotels in Lexisville, and had to camp on the grounds of the Court of Words overnight.An avid reporter from Daily Sentinel who has done his homework had found out that the Judge of the Court of Words, Justice Lexis, indeed obtained his first degree in Linguistics and his master's in Lexicology, before switching to study Law at the University of Lexico, Did I hear you say, 'Come again'' Yea, you heard me right: University of Lexico, a virtual country in cyberspace, I believe!'All-l-l-l rise, the Court of Words is back from recess, ready to hear the case concerning Mr. Transformation!' bellowed the court clerk. Justice Lexis took his seat, his gavel coming down almost immediately. 'The hearings shall now continue. LOP, may we hear your case, then. Before the court went on recess, you did make your opening remarks, stating that you had a threefold obligation. Do you mind restating them for the court'''Very well, my Lord, I shall gladly do so. As I had prayed this court, my Lord, because of the peculiar nature of the case, I hope you would not mind if I referred to my client as Mr. Transformation.' Justice Lexis: 'That has been granted. Move on.''My Lord, you are so kind, Out of my three obligations, the first one is the most fundamental, my Lord. And it is to expose before this court the essence of my client, his real being, that is, the lexical nature of 'transformation.' This fourteen-letter word, I must say, is one of the most maligned words in the hands dilettantes.''Hold it, hold it, Mr. LOP!' Justice Lexis intervened. 'Let me remind you of some of basic ground rules of this court. The first one is that you must speak the language that everybody understands. This is very important because the jury of this court is the audience out there, the general public. You must not speak over their heads, lest you lose them. Just what do you mean by 'dilettantes''''Thank you, my Lord. I am very mindful of that ground rule, for I was just about to do that. A word of, I believe, French origin, 'dilettante', in this case, is a person who does something, but is not serious about it and does not have much knowledge. If I may wax biblical here, dilettantes invoke that famous remark of Jesus Christ, 'Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.'''My Lord, the word 'transform' has several synonyms, the most common or popular of which is 'change.' I dare say that this is a synonym that is at once cheap and ambiguous, even vacuous, for if a person comes into a certain office ' in this case, the Presidency - with the promise of transformation, a number of things can happen and the person can lay claim to transformation. If he changes the curtains of the office, he could claim transformation. If he changes the menu of his residence, he could claim transformation. If he changes the name of a street or a school in a city, he could claim transformation. And you'd be hard put to contradict his claim, because transformation means change.''I do understand what you are saying, but I do not get your point. Can you tell this court why such a claim is improper'' 'Thank you, my Lord, my point is that every change cannot amount to transformation, veritable transformation, that is. Let me refer you to another synonym of transformation, which I think does more justice to the word: it is revolution. If a president could, for example, make people in both the urban and rural areas of a country start eating cassava bread, instead of restricting it to the Presidential villa that would be transformation par excellence. If a president could bring himself, his wife, his ministers, the rich people and their families in the country, if he could bring them to be patients in the country's hospitals, that would be transformation par excellence.''I can see that you have moved from the nature of transformation to the magnitude of transformation, which you said is your second obligation before this court. Am I right'' 'You are absolutely right, my Lord. But besides magnitude, I must say that transformation that does not go by the name of its common synonym, 'change,' must pertain to substance. Take, for example, something like national awards or minimum wage in a country. It would not be mere change if just one, two, or three persons were given national honours in a period of five years. That would be far from business as usual. It would be a revolution. That is what my client believes is transformation, my Lord.'Rather flummoxed, Justice Lexis declared: 'Am afraid you are putting this court in a tight corner, because you want me to make a pronouncement beyond the jurisdiction of the Court of Words. And I really think this court might have to adjourn sine die.' He raised his gavel and would not even let it drop on the table before he stood up and vanished into his chambers. Mr. Transformation might yet have another day in the Court of Words, but that day nobody knows!
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