Ways The Socially Inept Interpret Flirting

They make fleeting eye contact They obviously see something they like but are hesitant to approach you--let them know you're interested by staring at your iPhone and refreshing your e-mail inbox seventy-two times. They make eye contact for more than five secondsWhoa, this is getting serious--seriously HOT! Maintaining eye contact is the largest indicator that someone is romantically interested in you - or you're engaged in a really intense staring contest - or they are a deer. They ask you where you are fromThey obviously want to know all about you. Start by telling them EVERYTHING: where you grew up, what your favorite subject in school was, who your favorite Spice Girl was, how you rank the flavors of Starburst, what 9/11 conspiracy theory you believe, if you have a general disregard for the Oxford comma or believe it to be a fundamental building block in sentence structure, if you prefer McDonald's or Burger King French fries, etc. Of course, in between each fact about yourself you should be shouting, "I'M A [your astrological sign here]!" at the top of your lungs.They ask you what you doThey are interested in your career endeavors and the general trajectory of your professional life. Start by saying you do a lot of things--then start plucking a sitar and explaining string theory in detail or showcasing whatever skills you have that can best be described as "eccentric." Impress them!They offer to buy you a drinkEven the socially inept knows what that means (FREE BOOZE).They ask you why you keep telling them they have gorgeous hands and could be a hand modelWAY better than boring ol' "you have nice eyes" and way more memorable! Keep giving them unique compliments (example: Your hair is shinier than a freshly installed solar panel!) and they'll never forget you! They tell you to stop texting themThat just means they want you MORE. They say they want to "just be friends."The subtext of "just friends" is "try harder!" Don't be scared of a challenge!They file a restraining orderThey're playing hard to get--cute!They call you "buddy"Everyone knows the universal protocol for when a prospective romantic interest addresses you as this: call the police. -- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
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