Within towns and cities in urban centers, there is this assumption that one has to be more careful when in a relationship or considering one with a girl from either Cross River or Akwa Ibom, the indigenous homes of a people supposedly known as Calabar Girls.There is a common belief, at least among young spinters and married women of usually below average educational standard, that seems to still hold to the crude and unproven theory that Calabar girls are diabolical, using love portions otherwise known as kopnomi in traditional Efik/ Ibibio local parlance to steal a mans heart and compel him to love them. The erroneous conclusion has gone on for long unabated.These assumptions have prompted some more investigations into the womans world; the outcome has exposed three standard categories according to a new book by Dr Sonya Rhodes, exposing different categories of women with varying degrees of appeal to the men folks.Dr. Rhodes argued that a woman is either an Independent, Dominant or Submissive woman. These have similar parallels to three male categories ranging from the Alpha, the Needy Alpha, to the Beta man but not exactly the same. Interestingly too is what modern society or majority of people say about this group of women.The opinion in modern societies suggests that its bad for women to be submissive but great for women to be Dominant. Most dominant women think themselves independent though, when in actual fact theyre very dependent on their male counterparts. However, in religious societies submissive women will be preferred over the dominant or independent categories at least in public glare. But the truth is, that deep down there, a greater number of active men will prefer a Dominant woman, if not for anything, for the fun.Most Calabar girls going by this categorization will fall under the category of Dominant or Submissive women. Dr. Rhodes went ahead to explain that dominant women are loose female equivalent of the Needy Alpha man. These categories of gals are strong and bossy. They also tend to be bitchy but not always. Usually, there are known for issuing orders, standards, rules and parameters and also expecting the guys to follow to the latter. They get pissed if they arent.Dominants are always high drama girls, most of the time some men will love a little beat of drama kind of fun to loosen up. Sometimes a dominant girl issue those rules in a nicely manner and at other times through very angry bitchy manner. The juicy part however, is dominant women are very smart, attractive and of course fun to be with, actually what a man will want since Men often fall for fun. About 60% to 65% of the women out there in the western world are dominants.Submissive women in the other hand are loose female equivalent of a beta man. About 25% to 30% of women are submissive. They prefer a man to take charge and most comfortable with a strong man who is the boss at least for most of the time. They are much more flexible as compared to the dominant category in the presence of a strong man.The remaining 10% of womem are of the independent category. Independent women are the loose equivalents of the male Alphas. Unlike dominant or submissive women, are so excited with their lives, career, friends, school, passion, hobbies or whatever. No need to boss a guy around, theyre less fun to be with and low drama kind of gals who have no time for fun but prefers going straight to the point and likes to spend time through what they like.Many schools of thought who tend to dread the Calabar girls are quick to add stories or hearsays of married and unmarried men who have absconded relationships and eloping with a certain Emem or Ekaitte from Calabar. In some instances, live scenarios and experiences tend to support or give credence to this spurious claim, when you yourself happen to have witnessed a case or two where a married man divorces his wife just to replace her weeks later with a Calabar girl.The questions that comes easy to mind is; what is the magic in this set of girls that makes most women feel unsafe near a visibly endowed Calabar lady' -They tend to help themselves with another common saying thatthese girls are dogs. But the real wonder is how far some men will goabandoning their homes just to leave in a paradise with these girls that have being so castigated as good for nothing.The common explanation for this, has often being that the man has being charmed or trapped under a love potion. Leadership Weekend sampled the opinions of some women from other tribes; Iya Beji a popular Bean-cake (Akara) seller around Lugbe Village Abuja- claimed Calabar girls are dogs and that she wouldnt support any of her relatives to marry them. Leadership Weekend inquired further but no substantial reason was given other than the claim that they can snatch any man from a woman and use diabolical means (Kopnomi) to take peoples husbands.On another round of inquiry Leadership Weekend gathered from Mrs. Esther Chijioke a civil servant from Wuye in FCT, that she was a victim of one of these girls from the Calabar Axis, who the husband use to meet in a restaurant, he took so much interest in this girl that he brought her to serve as our house help for some time, before I knew it my husband became so obsessed with this girl beyond control.I have caught him on more than three occasions staring at her. That was when I started smelling that something is wrong but I was lucky to have gotten my husband back.But when Leadership Weekend tried to sample the opinions of the men, Emeka an electrician from Masaka said he just likes Calabar girls because they can cook and are very caring. Musa a 300 level student of Abuja University claimed he so much like Calabar girls because they can satisfy any man and are so full of fun. Matthew simply said he can marry any girl as long as she is God fearing.The notion of the magical prowess of an average Calabar girl seems to hold sway even among average educated people who tend to explore and engage on findings in their own. Most times, these findings exposes the misconception of a lot of earlier beliefs that tend to have castigated the girl child from Calabar as a good for nothing husband snatcher and in worst cases, a dog- whose only inclination is towards love making.Notable among these hard findings from an objective mind is an undisputable fact that Calabar girls are professional cooks and make delicious meals that any man would want to stay and finish or even wish to have such meals every day in their homes. A taste of the wonderful delicacies from the Calabar kitchens leaves a client with that desire to stop by once more to explore other wonderful options on their menu.No wonder this phobia in women of other climes for Calabar girls coming around their men for fear of snatching them for reasons of bad cookery. A good meal is one of the things most men will want after a days job besides some chilled beverages. Most men will feel very disappointed especially when a tasteless meal is served.An average Calabar girl from a tender age is taught how to cook dishes like Affang, Atama, Edikaikong and Ekpangkwukwor and also when approaching the marriageable age are also taught how to take care of the home to ease pressure and take away stress from the man. Perhaps, why most men feel relaxed and go ahead to enjoy a home with a Calabar wife, or fiance from a nearby restaurant or simply convert a Calabar house-help into the madam of the house when the real madam isnt living up to her expectations.To put the icing on the cake, Leadership Weekend interviewed a marriage councilor, Mrs Dorathy Gbenga who said, Calabar girls are beautiful people, majority of them are well endowed and can handle all aspects that involve care giving for the man with utmost seriousness and excitement, knowing the key to the mans heart and the essence of sex to any marriage. Hence this instrument is explored to the fullest to bring reasonable joy to a mans heart and to ease stress.This attribute earned the Calabar girl the accusation of using fetish means or love potions to attract the opposite sex and even cage them. For long, this has being the stigma an average gorgeous looking, innocent Calabar girl faces or stereotyped everydayand called all manner of unprintable names. Whereas, its wrong to assign a disreputable behavior to a certain tribe or people without a valid reason to do so.Moreover, most of the so called experiences that people are ready to exchange for valid facts are often time laced up with age long anger over some bitter experiences with a few Calabar gals who by virtue of their prowess in home management, care giving and as wonderful cooks happen to have some advantage over women of other climes giving them a superior appealing power over girls of other tribes and the men in some cases begins to prefer them over their wives.Mrs Gbenga continued: The issue around snatching is more of an individual trait, than a tribal thing. Besides girls from Calabar, theyre hundreds of stories of snatching among girls from other tribes- snatching lovers, fiances and even husbands. Generally, both men and women pick up sexual experiences as they grow, as this is part of growing up.It will be obviously very myopic to castigate and think any parent from any tribe will have the time to start teaching his son or daughter the rudiments of love making as it is often labeled on the parents of most Calabar girls. Nevertheless, it is my candid opinion for all psychological challenged ladies living in constant phobia of a Calabar girl one day snatching their husbands, to learn whatever it is the Calabar girl is doing to be able to have an advantage over them.Basically, these revolves around care, loveincluding helping the man to ease stress, and making delicious meals and until then, ladies already complaining of one Calabar girl or the other will only continue to live in fear that someone someday will take away their lover.In any case, she concluded that you should thank your Calabar friend for helping you get rid of bad rubbish, because a man, who is ready to cheat on you with your friend behind, doesnt respect or even deserve you.If he can cheat on you with your friend, be sure he can do the same to you even after exchanging marital vows. Though it is painful but time they say will heal all wounds even from a bleeding and broken heart. It is therefore needless to allow a sickening trauma of keeping a psychological phobia for Calabar ladies. Even a sister could snatch your man given the right circumstances, she added.Calabar girls therefore, are like you and I, and also have their weaknesses. The right thing therefore is to focus attention and seek love and genuine affection from the right man. A guy that really loves you will not allow himself to be snatched from your loving arms because of any girl. His heart will always remain with you though it wanders for a while it will surely return and settle with you. After all, the so called magical prowess of a Calabar lady can be learnt, since it isnt voodoo or rocket science.
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