Therapy is a wonderful thing ' if youve got the right therapist.Research suggests that thetherapist-patient relationship is important for the efficacy of the treatment. And in a perfect world, youd walk in for your first appointment and that would be it. No need to look any further.But lets say, for example, you picked your therapist while you were in the midst of a crisis and now you feel like youre too far into your treatment to leave. Or maybe youve gone a few times but youre not really sure that youre getting what you need from the interaction.There are many reasons people find themselves in an established relationship with the wrong therapist or seeing someone theyve outgrown.We asked experts for red flags that indicate you need to break up with your therapist and find a new one. Heres what they had to say:1. Your therapist fell asleep on youBelieve it or not, this actually happens.I have had more people than I can count come to my office and tell me that theyre coming because their previous therapist fell asleep, Chloe Carmichael, a clinical psychologist based in New York City, told The Huffington Post. And theyve told me that its happened more than once.If your therapist ever falls asleep on you in session, take that as a sign that he or she is not fit to be working with patients and you should find someone new. 2. You feel like your therapist doesnt support your goalsIt is important that you feel supported. Charmichael gives the example of a troubled relationship: If your therapist thinks you should break up with your partner but you are seeking help to repair the relationship, have a conversation with your therapist about this, she advises.I would encourage the person to say, I want to clarify if we should continue working together, because I want to clarify that we have the same goals. I want to stay with my boyfriend and sometimes I feel like you want me to break up with him. Is that true' Carmichael said.This kind of conversation provides the opportunity to see if you and your therapist see eye-to-eye, learn about potential red flags he or she might be noticing and agree about the direction in which your life is going.You do not want to be with somebody who comes across as judgmental, agreedLiana Georgoulis, a clinical psychologist and director of Coast Psychological Services in Los Angeles.On the other hand, sometimes you wont always hear what you want to hear,Georgoulis said. The right therapist wont always agree with you. And, of course, any therapist has a responsibility to intervene if youre in an abusive or otherwise dangerous situation.3. The therapist claims he or she is an expert in every conditionBeware of therapists who say theyre able to help with everything or market themselves as a Jack of all trades.Many therapists know which conditions they can help with, and also where they cant, Carmichael notes. A good therapist will refer you to someone else if your condition falls out of his or her scope.4. Youre not sure why you are in therapyTherapy can provide tools for coping with everyday stress or a mental health condition. Make sure you are working with your therapist toward mutually agreed-upon and clearly defined goals.Sometimes there might be differences in what that work is or how to get there, Georgoulis said. But ask the professional youre seeing to outline the treatment plan so you have a good sense of what it is youre doing together. 5. Your therapist needs remindersYou should not feel like you need to brief your therapist on events or facts youve already covered in previous weeks.If that happens every session, that might be a sign that you want to get a therapist thats more organized or more attentive, Carmichael said. You shouldnt have to lead the therapist.6. You dont feel like youre getting anywhereLets say you went into therapy for anxiety and youve learned tools to help you cope better each day.So rather than talk about anxiety, you bring up other issues that you need help working out. But session after session, you just dont see any progress in these areas.Sometimes youve just gone as far up the mountain as you can with somebody, and its justifiably time to say goodbye, Carmichael said.Georgoulis agrees. If youve been in therapy for a long time but the needle hasnt moved on certain issues, bring this up to your therapist. If you are still in pain, or not feeling good, it may serve you to find another person to talk to, she said.7. You know too much about your therapists lifeWhen therapists tell patients information about their own lives to make a point or illustrate an idea, its calleddisclosure. Researchers have been debating where the line is when it comes to this techniquefor ages' even Sigmund Freud grappled with it, The New York Times reported.Heres how Carmichael suggests approaching it:If the therapist is telling you things about his or her own life for an obvious reason and it feels helpful,its probably fine. But if you cant figure out why the therapist is sharing certain stories, or if he or she is taking up your valuable therapeutic time, it could be an indicator that this therapist is not the right fit.Carmichael suggests finding a therapist who expresses him or herself quickly and distinctly during your time together.Theres not room for long winded answers, she said. 8. You go to therapy just to ventA core component of good therapy is the therapists ability to connect a patients thoughts, find patterns and then trace it all back to concrete changes in thinking, Georgoulis said.If a therapist is just letting you come in and vent each week, thats not a good sign, she said.Find a therapist who does more than just make you feel better in the moment or provide advice for particular situations.9. You feel good after every sessionTheres a misconception, I think, that people are supposed to walk away from a therapy session feeling great and I dont think thats true,Georgoulis said. The work is hard and sometimes you leave therapy sessions feeling challenged or drained. Stuff gets stirred up.If you are always leaving therapy feeling like everything is perfect, Georgoulis urges you to ask yourself if you are truly doing the work. It could be a sign that you need a different therapist who can help you process challenging emotions.So, what should you do'Both experts say the best route to securing the right therapist from the outset is to interview several of them, be straightforward about why you need counseling and ask about specific treatment methods he or she uses.Bottom line, there are manyexcellent reasonsto go to therapy. But once youre there, consider if the therapist is really the right fit for you. If its not the right match, do what you need to do to find the right person.Its worth it. -- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.
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