The INSIDER Summary:A sexologist sharedsex tips that can help couples reach a deeper understanding of each other, and thus strengthen their relationship.Developing "erotic intelligence" is important. It's the combination of knowledge of sex and pleasure with emotional intelligence.She also says foreplay should be all-encompassing.Asa former advice columnist at the Museum of Sex and the founderof the Center for Erotic Intelligence who made the internal structure of the clitoris famous, sexologist Mal Harrison is undoubtedly capable of giving great sex advice. Yet it's precisely becauseof these qualifications that she's hesitant to make sweeping statements."I tend to find tips, tricks, and hot ideas to be somewhat problematic," she said. "Obviously, we all want to learn as much as possible and we want tips,but knowing who we are and having a really deep understanding of ourselves and the willingness to expand and evolve ourselves, in our own pleasure and in every aspect of life, is what cultivates that intelligence."At Cycles + Sex in New York City, INSIDER asked Harrison for sex tips thatcan help couples reach this deeper understanding intheir relationships. Here's what she recommends.Develop "erotic intelligence"Harrison defines "eroticism" as "the interplay of desire and arousal with the daily challenges of loving and living." "Erotic intelligence" combines knowledge of sexuality and pleasure with social and emotional intelligenceto cultivatedeeper relationships."How do we deal with rejection, how do we deal with shame, how do we deal with things when they don't go as expected or as planned ' those are the ingredients that are really required to explore sexuality," she said.Rethink"foreplay"Harrison is not a fan of the word "foreplay" because it insinuates some kind of necessary step or chorebefore sex instead of aconstant undercurrent of eroticism between partners."It's so much more involved than that," she said.She advocates foran all-encompassing approach to arousal ' more of an undercurrent than a spark."Everything can be innuendo," she explains. "It can just be the stroke of the hair, it can be out in public touching hands, a small grazing of our arms ' it's about that erotic connection with your partner."Try new thingsoutside the bedroomHarrison compares trying new things together in your everyday lifeto stretching before exercising. The process oflearning about something you're not familiar with, working up the courage to try it, and maybe even making a fool of yourself in your first few attempts is great practice for your sex life."Those are the things that facilitate deeper connection," she said.Join the conversation about this storyNOW WATCH: The psychology behind who says 'I love you' first in a relationship
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