Some popular parentingadvice is actually counterproductive to children's success.Parents shouldn't tell their kids to focus on the futureinstead, they should encourage living in the moment.Children are experiencing stress at younger ages so parents should teach coping mechanisms.Kids should also be reminded that it is okay to make mistakes.Most parents want their kids to be successful in lifeand so we teach them attitudes that we believe will help them achieve their goals. But as I learned while researching my book "The Happiness Track," many widely-held theories about what it takes to be successful are proving to be counterproductive.Sure, they may produce results in the short term. But eventually, they lead to burnout andget thisless success. Here are a few of the most damaging things many of us are currently teaching our children about success, and what to teach them instead.SEE ALSO:11 common parenting mistakes everyone makes but no one will admitWhat we tell our kids: Focus on the future. Keep your eyes on the prize.What we should be telling them: Live (or work) in the moment.It's hard to stay tightly focused. Research shows our minds tend towander 50% of the timewe're awake. And when our minds wander, we often start to brood over the past or worry about the futurethereby leading to negative emotions like anger, regret, and stress.A mind that is constantly trying to focus upon the futurefrom getting good grades to applying to collegeswill be prone to greater anxiety and fear. While a little bit of stress can serve as a motivator, long-term chronic stress impairs our health as well as our intellectual faculties, such asattentionandmemory. As a consequence, focusing too hard on the future can actually impair our performance.Children do better, and feel happier, if they are learn how to stay in the present moment. And when people feel happy, they're able to learn faster, think more creatively, and problem-solve more easily. Studies even suggest that happiness makes you12% more productive.Positive emotions also make you more resilient to stresshelping you to overcome challenges and setbacks more quickly so you can get back on track.It's certainly good for children to have goals they're working toward. But instead of always encouraging them to focus on what's next on their to-do list, help them stay focused on the task or conversation at hand.What we tell our kids: Stress is inevitable ' keep pushing yourself.What we should be telling them instead: Learn to chill out.Children arefeeling anxious at younger and younger ages, worrying about grades and feeling pressure to do better at school. Most distressingly, we're even seeing stress-induced suicides in childrenespecially in high-achieving areas likePalo Altoin Silicon Valley.The way we conduct our lives as adults often communicates to children that stress is an unavoidable part of leading a successful life. We down caffeine and over-schedule ourselves during the day, living in a constant state of overdrive and burning ourselves outand at night, we're so wired that we use alcohol, sleep medication, or Xanax to calm down.All in all, this is not a good lifestyle to model for children. It's no surprise thatresearchshows that children whose parents are dealing with burnout at work are more likely than their peers to experience burnout at school.I recommend that parents consider teaching their children the skills they will need to be more resilient in the face of stressful events. While we can't change the work and life demands that we face at work and at school, we can use techniques such as meditation, yoga and breathing to better deal with the pressures we face. These tools help children learn to tap into their parasympathetic "rest and digest" nervous system (as opposed to the "fight or flight" stress response).What we tell our kids: Stay busy.What we should be telling them: Have fun doing nothing.Even in our leisure time,people in Western societies tend to value high-intensity positive emotions like excitement, as opposed to low-intensity emotions like calm. (The opposite is true in East Asian countries.) This means that our kids' schedules are often packed to the brim with extracurricular activities and family outings, leaving little downtime.There's nothing wrong with excitement, fun, and seeking out new experiences. But excitement, like stress, exhausts our physiology by tapping into our "fight or flight" systemand so we can unwittingly prompt our children to burn through their energy after school or on weekends, leaving them with fewer resources for the times when they need it most.Moreover,researchshows that our brains are more likely to come up with brilliant ideas when we arenot focusing(thus the proverbial a-ha moment in the shower). So instead of over-scheduling kids, we should be blocking out time when they can be left to their own devices. Children can turn any situationwhether they are sitting in a waiting room or walking to schoolinto an opportunity for play. They may also choose calming activities like reading a book, taking the dog for a walk, or simply lying under a tree and staring up at the cloudsall of which will allow them to approach the rest of their lives from a more centered, peaceful place. Giving your kids downtime will help them to be more creative and innovative. And just as importantly, it will help them learn to relax.The point here is not to never challenge them or deprive them ofopportunities for learning, the point is not to over-schedule and over commit them to the point where they don't have opportunities to learn independent play, to be with themselves and daydream, to learn to be happy justbeingrather than alwaysdoing.See the rest of the story at Business Insider
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