Facebook with Latestnigeriannews  Twieet with latestnigeriannews  RSS Page Feed
Home  |  All Headlines  |  Punch  |  Thisday  |  Daily Sun  |  Vanguard   |  Guardian  |  The Nation  |  Daily Times  |  Daily Trust  |  Daily Independent
World  |  Sports  |  Technology  |  Entertainment  |  Business  |  Politics  |  Tribune  |  Leadership  |  National Mirror  |  BusinessDay  |  More Channels...

Viewing Mode:

Archive:

  1.     Tool Tips    
  2.    Collapsible   
  3.    Collapsed     
Click to view all Entertainment headlines today

Click to view all Sports headlines today

A dominatrix reveals a sure-fire way to maintain a lasting, healthy relationship

Published by Business Insider on Sat, 17 Mar 2018


Kasia Urbaniak, a former dominatrix, has been teaching both women and men ways to communicate more powerfully and effectively for the past five years.It's based on what she knows about power dynamics, and is backed by social science, too.She told Business Insider her top tips for improving relationships.Kasia Urbaniak is wrapping her arm gently around mine. I want to reach 50,000 women, she tells me, and I sense I might be one of them. Her quest: to put more women in positions of power, and re-shape the ways people interact.The former dominatrix, dressed in a soft black sweater and leather, metal-studded boots, is comfortable commanding a room. But she also knows when it's OK to be quiet, kick off her shoes, pause and ask questions, or roll up her sleeves and inch closer to her colleagues to make a point.For Urbaniak, learning how to become more "dom" and less "sub" is really just about learning what people need, and meeting them where they are. She says this keen ability to "read a room" and engage with a client or a colleague is an essential human skilland something we can take from her dominatrix power playbook into the streets.Urbaniak has utilized her skills to create a new kind of communication school called "The Academy." At the New York City school, she coaches women (and men, too) to change how they communicate, and learn her jujitsu style for "verbal self-defense."But the class isn't just about shutting down creeps. Urbaniak wants to completely transform the way we talk to each other in all our relationships.The number one relationship-crusherUrbaniak says one of the biggest issues we face in all kinds of relationships is what she often refers to as "speechlessness"the idea of being frozen or stuck in a moment, and feeling like you don't have the agency to speak up. It can be crippling when you're dealing with a predator or a bully. But it's also a problem in relationships with people who we're close to, like a partner or co-worker."The idea of being good, by being low maintenance, is an absolute falsehood," Urbaniak says. She argues it's often what people don't say in conversations that's most dangerous to their future.This speechlessness can be a learned habit, but the easiest way to break out of it, she says, is by saying something in the moment. Bringing up an awkward comment, or giving immediate feedback about something that makes you uncomfortable, is the easiest way to change the situation.Open communication can be crippled by social rules about perfection and politenessAsmall new study of doctors and residents at Harvard's Brigham and Women's teaching hospital in Boston backs Urbaniak up, finding that feedback is crucial for good work, and when politeness and excellence are prized above moment-to-moment constructive criticism in a hospital setting, a dangerous culture of silence reigns.To change this, Ubraniak gives her students tips on ways to practice breaking out of speechlessness. If what someone is saying is unclear, phrasing a response like, "It seems like what you're saying is..." might help. Or if you're frustrated someone just took credit for an idea, note what's happening right as it happens, like an athlete catching a pass: "Quickly pick up the ball," she says."And go, 'Exactly what I was saying, thank you!'"She says if you let an uncomfortable situation like this fester, it makes things worse."Withadded time, there's a sense of betrayal," she says. "It also impacts all of the interaction in between,so there's just a lot more to clean up."Throwing out dated gender scriptsSocial scientists know that as we age, ourbrains changeto respond to more social cues. By the time we're adults, our communication pathways are set up, and we develop habits about how to interact with each other.Some studies suggests that ways men and women respond to negative feedback can be quite different: women more often (quite literally) turn their gaze inward, while men look out.But Urbaniak believes it's time for those old habitual ways to morph into something new. She says the social reasons for some of those behaviors are fading, and it's time to change up the gendered script.In her classes, she encourages students to ask more questions, and expose what's not being said.Urbaniak says one of the simplest ways to shift a gaze outward is to start asking simple, probing questions, ones that don't involve any "I's." Like, "is that true'" or "why do you think that'""Up until not very long ago, the best thing a woman could do for herself and her status and her future was to marry well," she says."This is all new. We have to have a lot of compassion right now, for women and for men."SEE ALSO:This is what your smartphone is doing to your brain ' and it isn't goodJoin the conversation about this storyNOW WATCH: The key to long-lasting relationships is more simple than you think
Click here to read full news..

All Channels Nigerian Dailies: Punch  |  Vanguard   |  The Nation  |  Thisday  |  Daily Sun  |  Guardian  |  Daily Times  |  Daily Trust  |  Daily Independent  |   The Herald  |  Tribune  |  Leadership  |  National Mirror  |  BusinessDay  |  New Telegraph  |  Peoples Daily  |  Blueprint  |  Nigerian Pilot  |  Sahara Reporters  |  Premium Times  |  The Cable  |  PM News  |  APO Africa Newsroom

Categories Today: World  |  Sports  |  Technology  |  Entertainment  |  Business  |  Politics  |  Columns  |  All Headlines Today

Entertainment (Local): Linda Ikeji  |  Bella Naija  |  Tori  |  Pulse  |  The NET  |  DailyPost  |  Information Nigeria  |  Gistlover  |  Lailas Blog  |  Miss Petite  |  Olufamous  |  Stella Dimoko Korkus Blog  |  Ynaija  |  All Entertainment News Today

Entertainment (World): TMZ  |  Daily Mail  |  Huffington Post

Sports: Goal  |  African Football  |  Bleacher Report  |  FTBpro  |  Kickoff  |  All Sports Headlines Today

Business & Finance: Nairametrics  |  Nigerian Tenders  |  Business Insider  |  Forbes  |  Entrepreneur  |  The Economist  |  BusinessTech  |  Financial Watch  |  BusinessDay  |  All Business News Headlines Today

Technology (Local): Techpoint  |  TechMoran  |  TechCity  |  Innovation Village  |  IT News Africa  |  Technology Times  |  Technext  |  Techcabal  |  All Technology News Headlines Today

Technology (World): Techcrunch  |  Techmeme  |  Slashdot  |  Wired  |  Hackers News  |  Engadget  |  Pocket Lint  |  The Verge

International Networks:   |  CNN  |  BBC  |  Al Jazeera  |  Yahoo

Forum:   |  Nairaland  |  Naij

Other Links: Home   |  Nigerian Jobs