6 things to do if you can't stand the person your friend is dating

You can pick your friends, but you cant pick your friends partners. When you cant stand your friends significant other, it can take a toll on your friendship. Heres how to handle this delicate situation without sacrificing your bond, according to two relationship experts.1. Ask yourself why you dislike this person."First, you must decide if you don't like them because its not someone you would choose to spend time with yourself, versus thinking that they are actively bad for your friend," said Andrea Bonior, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist who writes The Washington Posts "Baggage Check," a weekly chat and column about mental health and relationships."If its the former, it may be worth it to take a step back and realize that even if this person is unlikeable to you, they may be making your friend happy. In the latter cases, thoughwhere your friend's partner shows signs of not treating them wellthen it is worth making a plan to express your feelings," Bonior said.2. Consider what your friend sees in them."Think about why it is your friend likes this person. Might there be things about them that you are refusing to see' Can you understand whyeven if this person isn't your cup of teayour friend may appreciate their qualities'" Bonior said. "The hardest part is being willing to see them differently. We often cling to our judgments as our way of convincing our ego were right," said Shasta Nelson, author of "Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness," and CEO of GirlFriendCircles.com, a friendship site for women. The most important thing you can do is ask your friend to share more about why he or she loves their partner, Nelson explained.3. Use this as an opportunity to grow.In the event that your friend is happy and safe, try to recognize this as an opportunity for personal growth. Bonior suggested working to identify the possible assumptions youre making about their partner. Then, think about whats causing them. Is there evidence to support your beliefs, or are you jumping to conclusions' Are you basing your opinion of them on one event, or has the issue occurred multiple times'"You cant change her partner and you cant change that theyre together; all you can do is change how you respond to the partner," said Nelson. It may also have "less to do with them and more to do with how you are triggered or affected by those certain behaviors," she said.See the rest of the story at Business Insider
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