It can be grievous pain when a man refuses his food. Or complains that the salt is a bit on the high side.'You know I don't like complaining. You're the best cook in the world, yes, but sometimes I feel you might use a little less salt. Too much salt is not good for the body. In fact, let me show you a Sade Oguntola article that I read in the Tribune today.....' It is a lie: he likes complaining. In fact, he has become a complainant.Suddenly, too, he has developed an aversion for ogbono soup, the same soup that gave him raptures during courtship. And, oh, he'd rather have the dry cleaner wash his clothes. He is a gentleman, too gentle to bother you. And you want to be bothered. Yes, a wise woman wants to be bothered.Never mind: it's the other woman. Often the other woman is less pretty, but always she is presumably a fresh air, verdure fresh in the delusionary world where the man lives. She will not be there when the man goes down with a stroke: yet, she'll be the first to know of his pay, or the contract a corrupt minister has just given. The other woman is the pain of a wife.Every woman loves to have her husband to herself alone, and that is how it should be... but is that how it is' Evidently not, and here's why. First, in most of what are called marriages, perhaps seven times out of ten, another man's wife is living with another man's husband. Possibly, too, people are in a relationship but not a marriage. Then too, many women do not make just enough effort to keep their man. If a man has no home to return to after work, he'll head wherever he can, even a beer joint even when he doesn't drink. Again, every man loves good food, and you might just want to put in an extra effort. And get rid of that arrogant boast that you can live without him, or go to be with another man after two children. You want to go' So why haven't you gone' Remember the kisses of courtship, and the promise to love till the end. Love is not a movie.One woman reportedly deprived her husband of intimacy for, three solid years. Here in Ibadan. I quaked when I heard this story at very close quarters; the man is one of those who truly believe in the sanctity of their union. I consider the guy a rather dense fellow, because it is wicked to tolerate this kind of coup. He should have cried out to her pastor. Really, there are far too many pastors for my liking, far too many spiritual parasites and bone smashers calling themselves holy men. Are you a pastor and your spirit cannot discern such a woman for three years' What a shame. Now, that woman is a harlot, even though she is a prophesier in her church. That church is a bunch of spiritual renegades being made ready for the lake of fire. To punish your hubby this way is to give free rein to the other woman. In fact this is not punishment; it is a coup, a treasonable felony, a sacrilege. High treason. If I was a judge, I'd pass the death sentence.The dunces around who speak like American girls are definitely not going to have any marriages, though they'll live with men. They haven't got what it takes; they're not familiar with the culture of hard work. And marriage is hard work. It is work book, not Face Book. Here, then is the mind that hath wisdom. Some even say they want to be independent, a big joke. An independent woman in Africa will be a prostitute. Prostitutes can overthrow a government, but they cannot run a government. Fight these words if you can; I won't be there when you will cry endlessly into your pillow, and blow your nose into the sink. And cry some more. And drink tea.So, if the other woman is your pain, why not be the other woman yourself' Why not be those things which your man wants provided that they are Ok for you' Being the other woman is serious work.Yet, there exists some serpent seeds, a brood who will not be charmed. The woman would do everything in the world to be good, yet they would not change, until caned from outside, sometimes to a point of fatality. It is a cross that some women have to carry, a cross which is from below.Man, in his natural state, is intensely polygamous, and for me, only the Spirit can help. The man wants variety; woman wants commitment. How do you resolve that' Only if the Spirit guides. It was a woman that started infidelity, but man has taken it to unimaginable heights. The man is the problem of the woman. The woman is the death of man. Most times when a man is cruel to a woman, there is another woman, the other woman, involved.Let me close on a personal note. I'm not a progressive, a democrat, a human rights activist or any such thing. I'm only a writer. A writer, if he wants to live on when he is gone, should not look at faces.Awolaja, is on the staff of the Nigerian Tribune.
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