Yewande AdelekeThe topic of domestic violence againstmenis one which islargelyunspoken, especially in Nigeria.In most casesofdomestic abuse, our first instinct is to assume that a man is the perpetrator, while thewomanisthe victim.Even thoughthis could be true, as is the case in many instances,the issue of violenceagainst men is more rampant thanwe know.Domestic violenceotherwiseknown as domestic abuse, spousal abuse, family violence,orintimate partner violence, is a type of behaviour whichinvolvesthe abuse of one partner bythe other. Itcouldbe verbal, sexual orpsychological innatureandusually occurs in various forms ranging fromthreat to harm,physical aggression or assault,emotional abuseand oppression amongst other acts. Italsoextendstoanyothertype ofcontrolling behaviour which could potentially harm the health, safety and wellbeing of its victim.Althoughthe subject ofdomesticviolence against men isgaining increasing popularity,it isstill treated withless importance,especially in comparison to violence against women. Thiscould beattributed toa number ofreasons; one of which isunderreporting.Underreporting of incidents where men are abused bytheir partners is a major problem. Thenorm,particularlyin Nigeria,is thatmostmenhardly report such cases becausetheyfear that theymay be perceived as being less masculine.A recent research by theBMJOpenJournalrevealedthe'fear of disclosure'asa problem caused by the society which has placeda burden onmennot to actweak.In most cases, the male sufferer chooses not to tell anyone because he may feelhe has not lived up to the societal notion of manliness or rather, the dictates of manly ideals.Yewande AdelekeWhile some menstayback in abusive relationships because they arefullycommitted to their partners, others maybehangingonbecause they do not want to lose custody of their children to abusive spouses.For some, they may persevere to a point where they are too emotionallydistressedto leave.Another class of men are those who took steps to seek for help, but encountered negative experiences and then gave up fighting back. Theymayhavesteppedout hoping that someone will believe them, but that is not always the case.For the last group, things would have degenerated to a point where the male suffererdoesn't even see himself as a victim, which makes it difficult to help him.With all these barriers and more, we are left to wonder: how many more men are silent sufferers of domestic abuse from their spouses'In most cases,theissueofviolence against menis largely overlooked due to the immense pressure on themto act like all is well, even when it is not.This makes more men reluctant to draw attention to their domestic abuse situation.The sad fact remainsthatas at today,husband punching, kicking, slapping, sex deprivation and killing arerealitiesthat occur in Nigeriaon a regularbasis.Social media hasfurther beamed thespotlighton male domesticabusecasesby providingquick access toproofthrough the circulation ofpictures andvideos of maltreatment of menby their spouses,albeit for different reasons.It would appear thatrecountingdomestic violence from the male victim's perspective is quite uncommon as mostpeople are quick toassume that men are not usually known to be at the receiving end of physical aggression.In a largely patriarchal society like Nigeria wherethe malefolk are expected to be more dominant due to their physical strength,it canbe considered shameful tohear that a man wasthreatened or beaten by his partner.In comparison to women who are usually encouraged to speak freely when they are trapped in abusive relationships or marriages, men are not known to easily voice out their grievances,noteven to close friends andrelations.Public ridicule and harsh criticismsare other factors withholding men from speaking out.Asidesthis, there is also the possibility thaton reporting to appropriate authorities, tables could turn and the victim ends up being labelled as the aggressor.Male sufferers of domestic violencetypicallyrequire a higher burden of proof or a more convincing story to justify their claims.Domestic abuse ofmen is just as important as any other gender based violence issueand in addressing it, there are various ways in which the male sufferercould seek for help. The first is to speak up as soon as possible.The victim could start by talking to a friend, relative,health care provider or any other close contact.Also, awareness made throughsocialprogramscanalsohelpbyreminding male victims thatthat theytoocan get justice.A good example is themankind initiativewhich reassures male victimsthrough its motto: 'remember that you are not to blame, you are not weak and you are not alone'.In Nigeria, domestic violence against men was a rarely discussed subject, untilinrecent years whenmore men began to speakagainst it.Sadly, some cases have seen the brutalend of victims whodiedfrom it.While weponder over this, wemust cautiously note thatdomestic abuseis not about gender, size or physical strength.There is also theneed to view domestic abusefrom a psychological perspective, rather than basing it on socio-cultural expectationsand existing stereotypical norms.In fact, a totalcultural paradigm shift is necessaryto change public perception to a point where everyone should know that men and women could both be aggressors of domestic violence and it is not related to only one gender.It isalsoimportant to squash thelopsided view that it is only weak men that experience domestic abuse.A total reformation of thismentalitycould also be encouraged by recommendinganti-battery valuesto school curriculums all over Nigeria, as this would inculcate early recognition of the existence of domestic violence against men and ways to curb it.Male sufferers of domestic abuseshould be allowed to speak their truth without being victimised.Since itis an open secret that men too suffer from it, they shouldalsobe allowed to talk about it.Likewise, all aspects of the Nigerian criminal justice system, particularlythe policesystemand other agencies, should also be taught to handle domestic violence complaints from menwith some form of neutrality andopen mindedness.Recent yearshave seen thetrial and convictionofNigerianwomen who battered andmurderedtheir husbands. Moresanction measures should be put in public domain in order to serve as a deterrent to other women who are exhibiting such tendencies.It is hoped that sheddinglight on the present realitiesof domestic abuse of men wouldbalance the scale of gender based violence discussions, especially in Nigeria.Although therearenationallaws againstdomestic violence,there is alsoagreaterneed forpreciseregional and internationallawswhichspecificallyprotect the rights of men. For instance, the United Nations Convention on Elimination of All forms of Discrimination against Womenand the Maputo Protocol exist to protect the rights of women. Who says men don't need onetoo'Nigeria hasthe Violenceagainst Persons Prohibition Act, 2015whichwasenactedto eliminatevarious types of violent acts. Itcovers offences likespousal battery, emotional and psychological abuse,and intimidation amongst others. Lagos state particularly has itsown prohibition of violence lawalongside theLagos State Domestic and Violence Teamwhich responds to the needs of domesticviolence survivors.Many do not understand that domestic violence is a human rights issue whichcurtails other rights such as the rightsto liberty and freedom of expression. Its effects can be very overwhelming, the impact of which could lead to serious mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, inferiority complex, post-traumatic stress disorder and in worse cases, suicideof its victim. Noamount of excuse would give reasonableness tothedomestic abuse of a spouse bythe other. Abuseshould be addressed across boardand irrespective of gender,because violence against men or women is injustice to all.Writer's BioYewande is a lawyer who specializes in international human rights law. She hates injustice andbelieves in fair play and equal opportunities. She is also passionate about the rights of thevulnerable. She can be reached via email:adelekeyewandee@gmail.comoronInstagram @insidesparklesOpinionAddThis:Original Author:Yewande AdelekeDisable advertisements:
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