Some days ago, I went to lunch with my husband. 'Big deal', I hear someone say. Well, yes. It is a big deal because we've been to busy with other things to have lunch.So, we were both excited for the time we have to ourselves and went to a cozy restaurant. It was a working day and coincidentally, the time was around noon ' lunch break. As we stood to leave the place, I said: 'Thanks, I really enjoyed the food'. And he said jokingly, 'Don't worry, we would have many more lunch breaks'. And we both giggled. I noticed the ladies at the counter were looking at us disapprovingly. My husband voiced out my thoughts. 'I'm sure these people think we are dating;'. Garbed in a polo t-shirt, jeans and trainers, he looked quite sporty and young. Of course, we could start telling them that we were actually married to each other and not otherwise but the look on their faces showed exactly what they thought.As we left, I realized that many times, we make such assumptions also. In fact, I have often judged others by sight ' and I know you have too.There is a Jewish saying which goes ' Who says your blood is redder than his'' In other words, we do not know who is more beloved in the eyes of God. We don't know who is really the better person, the homeless person or the cancer scientist. We don't know what challenges God may have given someone growing up. We meet people in the middle of their life stories, in "Chapter 3." We have no idea what went on in Chapter 1 and Chapter 2, and we certainly don't know what lies ahead in Chapters 4, 5 and 6. Yet we are so quick to judge. But we don't have to be so open-minded that we blindly accept anyone or anything. We can't judge a person, but we can judge actions. Even when people make mistakes, we can still see the best in them, love them, and care for them in spite of their mistakes. We do see this with our children. Who knows their flaws better than we do' Yet we choose to love them.Only God can truly judge a person, and His judgment is unique to the individual, not based on a formula. On one hand, we are commanded by the Lord Jesus, 'Do not judge, or you too will be judged' (Matthew 7:1). On the other hand, the Bible also exhorts us to beware of evildoers and false prophets and to avoid those who practice all kinds of evil. How are we to discern who these people are if we do not make some kind of judgment about them'Christians are often accused of 'judging' whenever they speak out against a sinful activity. However, that is not the meaning of the Scripture verses that state, "Do not judge." There is a righteous kind of judgment we are supposed to exercise ' with careful discernment (John 7:24). When Jesus told us not to judge (Matthew 7:1), He was telling us not to judge hypocritically. Matthew 7:2-5 declares, "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye' How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye' You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." What Jesus was condemning here was hypocritical, self-righteous judgments of others.It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see.' ~Henry David ThoreauNow think about strangers. If you're like most of us, there's almost always a subtle judgment waiting in the wings. 'See how fat this one is', 'What kind of colour combination is that'', 'Is it by force to drive a car' See how old his car is!'So, again, why not just 'judge away'' Recall that in judgment, there's an element of dissatisfaction with the way things are and a desire to have things the way we want them to be.So, judgment is just a recipe for suffering: start with our dissatisfaction over how a person happens to be and mix in our desire for them to be otherwise. To make that suffering nice and rich, be sure the desire clings tightly to the dissatisfaction!It doesn't mean we have to hang out with someone who talks more than we'd like or who does nothing but complains about his life. But we can make the choice about whether to be with them without judging them. When we do, it feels good; it has that peaceful quality of letting go of clinging to the way we want people to be.As for those strangers, maybe the woman I saw has a medical condition that results in weight gain, or maybe she eats to deal with uncomfortable feelings. Perhaps the man was wearing the only pair of shoes he owns. Judging them did nothing to ease their suffering, and it certainly didn't ease mine.But here is an experiment suggested by one blogger. Think about a couple of friends who annoy you in some way. Can you let them be the way they are without desiring them to be otherwise' Sticking with my two examples, can you open your heart to her talkativeness or to his constant complaining
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