Oyinkan MedubiI think if Nigerian men were aware that someone was keeping tabs on their performance between the sheets, they would concentrate less on stealing so much money and live a little more.It was rather heartening, I say rather heartening, to read something good about Nigeria for a change. When I read about the work of Dr. Samuel Achilefu that has led him into inventing the glasses that can see cancer cells, I took courage. I say I took courage and picked up my heart from my boots. It made me believe indeed that better days may yet come in spite of the myriad of problems besetting the country.On any given day, youre likely to wake up to all kinds of discouraging things about this country, Nigeria. Today (you can substitute with any day you like since my writing day may not coincide with your reading day), I say today, I woke up to read that socio-cultural groups are still butting heads, people are still beheading others (people are guessing it is likely to be for politicians) while the bad bandit killers are still roaming free on a killing spree (also for the same reason).Yep, the media also tell us that corruption is still wearing a cocky hat everywhere in the country; the government wants to prosecute people in the entertainment industry for shooting their videos abroad (not the bandits) and, wait for it, Nigerian women are not being satisfied by their men sexually! Clearly, after all is said and done about Nigerias problems, like someone always says, theres usually a lot more said than done.All of us are at least agreed on the fact that these problems are man-made. In other words, they are problems that have been created as a result of the refusal by Nigerians to allow sanity and due process guide our national conduct. Take, as an instance, this problem of sexually dissatisfied Nigerian women, and you have the sum of all our problems.I mean, I have a few questions on the matter: 1) Do the women know that they are being cheated' 2) Do the men know about the report' 3) Do the men know that the women know that the cheating going on in the boardroom has extended to the bedroom' 4) Do the men know that the women know that the men dont care one way or the other' 5) Do the women even know that Nigeria is talking about restructuring right now' I think we need answers to these questions before we go on. Let me see if I can have a go at some of them.Well, to start with, let me categorically state that I am not qualified to meddle in this troublesome topic of the birds and the bees. Only the walls can, and lets face it, walls cant talk. The problem is that many men only like to talk about it, many women dont. Then of course, many are too embarrassed to. Unfortunately, no topic is taboo on this column, including archeology, so I will just draw a modest veil over my face as I say my few words.Anyway, according to a recent report released on the level of sexual satisfaction experienced by women across the world, the Nigerian figures do not even appear. In other words, there are no statistics available for this country for one reason or the other. The simplest would be of course that they probably did not ask. The remotest would probably be closer to the state of affairs: that Nigerian men do not really task themselves too much over their partners interests in the matter. Please dont flay me, I did not say it.Traditional books on the subject matter mentioned above have tended to portray the Nigerian man as being interested only in number one: himself. Hence, matters relating to taking time to please partners just do not come up. If they do, they come in the form of material goods bestowed on the woman to enhance and move her figure towards figure eight for more acts that please the man so that more goods can come for more enhancements I think you get the drift. That is why men need to steal so much of the governments money. Its again like the chicken and egg story of which came first. Come to think of it, life is a little like that: do you live to eat or eat to live and that kind of thing'Anyway, I doubt if many women are even aware that they are entitled to something called satisfaction in legitimate sexual encounters. Again, traditional books on the matter do not say much except that women live to please the men. I dont really know what that means but I guess it refers to the fact that what happens between the sheets do not enter history books. They exist in the brains of the birds and the bees, not in the womens. Most women just wake up one day and are handed their little bundles of joy. This is why women can never satisfactorily answer their childrens question: where do children come from'I think if Nigerian men were aware that someone was keeping tabs on their performance between the sheets, they would concentrate less on stealing so much money and live a little more. They would take the time to look into their partners faces and actually see a reflection of their reality. They would see the meaning of life and something of what it consists of: giving of oneself to others either by helping them, giving out substances, or just plain holding them in love. God forbid that a Nigerian man should hold his partner in love. He can hold her in yelling and beating, yes; in punching and pinching, yes; but in love' Nah!Yep, women are aware of the cheating going on in the boardroom, but I doubt if they knew it had anything to do with what goes on in the bedroom. For most women, life starts and stops in the shops, not in their wellbeing. Thats why many of them just chew the fat and take snuff. Life for Nigerian women is laying down of oneself for others to walk on, or lay on, as the case may be. This is why in many homes now, women are left holding and feeding the children while the men are free to live under the tree playing Ayo and swigging the 404 all day. So yep, the men know that the women dont know they are being cheated. The women would have organized some kind of unionism on the subject: Association of Grossly Dissatisfied Women of Nigeria (AGRODIW).But what can the women do' Nothing. Thats why they have accepted their fate, picked up their children and headed to the farms, the shops, the roadside businesses of selling roast corn or plantain. They know the men dont care. The men also know that the women know this. So, as the women have gone roasting corn, the men have buried their hands more in their agbada to play more Ayo or stayed longer in their offices to rise higher in the corporate ladder.So, with so much roasting to do, how on earth do you expect women to know that Nigeria is right now talking about restructuring, corruption, or even dissolution' Between the smoke, the sheets and the crying children, its all they can do to hang on to their lives for goodness sakes.Clearly, men need to step up on reducing their selfishness; and women also need to step up on reducing their selflessness. As one little girl said, they should both work hard to let everything be on the level. Thats right, let sanity and due process guide our national conduct in the matter of the birds and the bees so that Nigeria can feature in the next report.First published on 23rd July, 2017.
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