<blockquote>If youve ever taken an Uber or Bolt ride in Lagos, then you already know: the journey is never just about going from Point A to Bits a full-on drama series, and your driver is always the lead actor. From wild excuses to legendary one-liners, Lagos e-hailing drivers have turned ride-sharing into street comedy. Eyes Of Lagos reports,<br><br>Here are 9 things Lagos Uber drivers say that sound like jokesbut sadly, theyre 100% real.<br><br>1. <b>AC no dey work, but breeze go blow.</b><br><br>Ah yesthe classic bait and switch. You booked Comfort with AC, but what you got is open-window economy mode. Somehow, they still want 5 stars because at least breeze dey blow.<br><br>2. <b>Fuel too cost. Abeg reduce your destination.</b><br><br>Nothing screams Lagos Uber like a driver asking you to edit your own trip because his tank is on red and fuel don reach 1,200 per litre. Oga, na ride you dey do or donation'<br><br>3. <b>Madam I no get change</b>.<br><br>Lagos drivers invented cashless bullying. Youll pay 2,000 for a 1,300 ride, and suddenly its a national crisis to find 700 change. Make I buy gala and pure water for you' Oya na <br><br>4. <b>This app dey lie; your house far pass Wetin I see.</b><br><br>No matter how accurate Google Maps is, your driver will always act like you teleported to Benin Republic. But why your house bend like that' Bros, na road we dey.<br><br>5. <b>I dey front gate. Abeg come outside</b>.<br><br>Translation: Im still in traffic 3 streets away and I havent even made the U-turn. Why say the truth when you can lie with confidence'<br><br>6. <b>I go cancel if you no reach here in 2 minutes</b>.<br><br>This one hits different. Youre running down from the 3rd floor and the driver is hovering over the cancel button like Thanos. Just pray he has patienceor youll be paying 700 cancellation fee for no reason.<br><br>7. <b>You fit help me find fuel for that Total station</b>'<br><br>Your Bolt ride just turned into a fuel hunting mission. Now youre holding jerry can and forming Oando apprentice because the driver refused to buy fuel before picking you.<br><br>8. <b>I no dey go that side at night. Wahala too much</b>.<br><br>Youre heading home, its 9PM, and your driver suddenly remembers his spiritual boundary stops at Obalende. Sir, what happened to anywhere you go, I go'<br><br>9. <b>Abeg rate me 5 stars, even though the trip rough small.</b><br><br>After a ride that nearly gave you whiplash, no AC, missed turns, and prayer warrior FM on loudspeakeryour driver still wants a glowing review. Because, na hustle we dey hustle.<br>Final Thoughts<br><br>In Lagos, Uber and Bolt drivers are more than driverstheyre storytellers, bargain kings, and sometimes unintentional comedians. You may get delayed, frustrated, or overchargedbut youll always leave with a story.<br><br>If youve heard any of these lines (or worse), share your wildest Uber experience in the comments. And remember: next time your driver says just small delay, bring patience, water, and maybe a power bankyou might need it.</blockquote><br><a rel=ugc href="https://eyesoflagos.com/9-things-lagos-uber-drivers-will-tell-you-that-sound-like-jokes-but-are-facts/">https://eyesoflagos.com/9-things-lagos-uber-drivers-will-tell-you-that-sound-like-jokes-but-are-facts/</a>
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