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Help! My betrayal would kill my wife

Published by Tribune on Mon, 21 Mar 2011

Dear Taiwo,PLEASE, help save my marriage and I need your advice before my wife finds out about this open secret I have kept from her for 15 years.I betrayed my wife and my marriage vows, just weeks after I took the vows and since then the reality of my betrayal had hunted me.It is not about what happened but because of who and what the betrayal would do to my wife.Everyone, I am sure or should I say most people celebrated the Yuletide with happiness and peace of mind, Taiwo, I knew no peace and most people around me suspected something was wrong with me especially my faithful, loving and unassuming wife.In two weeks time, my marriage would be 16 years and my wife and I are still looking up to God for the blessings of the fruit of the womb.You know what happens to women in this state. My wife had gone from pillar to post, she has done all that is humanly possible. Everywhere she went, either, medical, spiritual and physical, shes been told that she was okay and that at His own time, the Lord would visit her. For a woman who is barren sometimes this is not enough. She needs a constant reassurance especially from her husband and this I do all the time. To the Glory of God, my mother who is also a good Christian does not bother her. Do not get me wrong. You know very well that in a situation like this, it is characteristic of an average African mother-in-law to encourage her son to take another wife. My mother is not one of such. She loves my wife like her own daughter and she does not cease to encourage her to believe in God.For me, her advice is always that I remain steadfast and be faithful to God and my wife. She is of the belief that God would surely answer us. With this type of situation around me, I have no cause to be boxed-in. No one to choke me with pressure of producing children. This is not to say that I am not bordered about my childless state, but sincerely I am not under any pressure. That is why this over 15 years indiscretion is creating a big problem for me now.I am equally not a saint, I have dated some women. I have had extramarital affairs, but I have been very careful, and I must tell you that what happened years back kept me from falling victim again.Kate, the woman who is causing my sleepless nights and nightmare is my wifes friend. They have been friends since they were in secondary school. They went to the same university, studied the same course, did their youth service in the same state, but in different companies and automatically they lived together during NYSC.To an outsider, both of them could pass for blood sisters because to an extent they resemble each other. Even when I first met my wife and she told me they were just friends, I thought she was playing until I  later understood their relationship.My wife is an only child, while Kate had other siblings, So she was always at my wifes place during holidays and at other times.It was no surprise that she was my wifes chief brides maid  when we got married. She was also in a relationship we all thought would lead to the altar then and it was a general consensus then that either married or not my wife would also be her chief brides maid.This was not to be because few months into their planned marriage, her husband-to be left the country with another woman. We all didnt know why he did that , because Kate and the guy were also supposed to travel after their wedding,  What happened to her devastated her and it was a natural thing for her to stay in our house for some weeks. My wife and I agreed that she stayed until she travelled out of the country. This was because she had moved in with her husband-to be immediately after their traditional wedding and she could no longer stay in the house they shared together. She cried day and night and we all including my wifes parents tried our best to make her happy.I came home one afternoon from the office to find her in tears again. I moved close to her to console her and honestly I didnt know what happened but I had sex with her.Taiwo, believe me, it was not planned. It was not premeditated. I never nursed this in my mind,  but it happened. This was just few months after my marriage. I had no intention of being unfaithful to my wife, not even with her best friend.I made up my mind that it wouldnt happen again.Taiwo, it was not to be, it happened again several times before she left the country for the UK.About three months after she left, she called to tell me that she was pregnant. I told her it was a big joke and she should get rid of the pregnancy if I was responsible for it. She said she would try her best. Kate didnt abort the pregnancy. I dont know what she communicated to my wife, but she knew about the pregnancy and she was happy for her.Kate delivered a baby boy and she told me. I wasnt interested. I told her I would deny the childs paternity on earth and in heaven. After this, she stopped communicating with me, but she remained my wifes supposed friend even till date. She had tried getting married twice after the first but failed too. Few days before Christmas, she called to inform us she was in the country. She visited, but my relationship with her was strained to an extent that my wife noticed it. She came to meet me in my office and told me that her son has been demanding to know who his father is and he would be coming to Nigeria in April this year. She wants us to meet.I was shocked when she showed me his picture. Believe me, this boy is my split image. My wife had this babys picture framed in our sitting room and visitors who saw it used to comment on his seemingly resemblance to me, but I used to think most of them say this to make my wife and I feel good.As if Kates bombshell was not enough, my wife came back two weeks ago from a Celestial Church one of her aunts took her for prayers and she told me that, the prophet told her to ask me to bring my fruit which is outside home and she would equally conceive.I told her it was an arrant nonsense. She has been on my neck since then to confess if I had any fruit outside marriage, saying that  she is prepared to take the child as hers, so she could have hers too. I have told her that I had nothing of such. She enlisted my mothers support and both of them are on my neck.Taiwo, is it possible to say yes to this, look my wife straight in the eye and tell her that her best friend is the mother of my sonHelp me before I kill my wife. The guilt of the situation is also killing me, I hardly sleep.CA, Lagos.
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